


'Hello and Welcome to Another Edition of Buzzfeed Unsolved: Postmortem— '

by xxELF21xx



Series: Bruce Hates Buzzfeed [2]
Category: Batman (Comics), Batman - All Media Types, Buzzfeed Unsolved (Web Series), Red Hood and the Outlaws (Comics), Red Hood/Arsenal (Comics), Under the Red Hood
Genre: ? - Freeform, Alternate Universe, Bruce is Suffering, Buzzfeed Unsolved True Crime, Gen, I'm Using Tim This Time, It's the Postmortem!, Jason Being a Lil shit, Jason Todd is Alive, Jason Todd is Dead, No Hotdaga, The Crimeboys are Shooketh, batfamily, not edited we die like men
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-12
Updated: 2018-03-12
Packaged: 2019-03-30 09:40:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,937
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13948878
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xxELF21xx/pseuds/xxELF21xx
Summary: As if things weren't already bad enough, with tensions running high in the Manor and during patrol, because of Buzzfeed, it gets progressively worse as the Internet takes a bite out of the situation.Strangely, Bruce is seemingly okay with this. His children would say that he had a morbid fascination with this — but everyone was interested.They watch the Q + A.-'Hello and welcome to another edition of Buzzfeed Unsolved: Postmortem. A show where we answer your most pressing questions about the most recent episode of Buzzfeed: Unsolved — which was Jason Todd.'





	'Hello and Welcome to Another Edition of Buzzfeed Unsolved: Postmortem— '

**Author's Note:**

> it isn't Unsolved without a Postmortem, guys, seriously.
> 
>  
> 
> [Dedicated to Mira (robinsflash)!]

The next few days were harrowing, if one had asked Dick to describe the mood of the Manor's populace. Everywhere he went, he saw signs of Jason before Ethiopia — the Neapolitan ice cream in the freezer, the green sticky notes plastered on the den's walls, the books in the library, the fucking  _memorial case._

Nobody could escape it. 

He's resigned himself to probably bear the guilt of being MIA whilst Jason was tied up and beaten to death, before a bomb ticked off.  _Did Jason ever call for me?_ He asked himself at night, eyes red and itchy,  _did he think that I would've helped him get out?_

He's spending more time patrolling and less time in the Manor — especially the Cave — because of it. 

Barbara wasn't faring any better. She never left the Clocktower, and was always buried in work. 

He didnt dare think of what Bruce would be doing. Hell, he hadn't seen Bruce at all after the video. He'd been so consumed in misery and guilt that he'd basically avoided everyone. 

Especially Jason. 

And in a strange sense of deja vu, he was back in his room in the Manor, bandages wrapped around his chest irritably, scrolling through his YouTube home page.

Several videos interest him, but he continues scrolling; he's far too lazy to click on them. 

Then, he sees it. The same, sickening  _blue_ of the logo; the two men that talked about his brother as if they actually  _cared_ about his Little Wing; the same photo of his tiny brother grinning widely. 

He heaves dryly for a good three minutes, head spinning. Trying to catch his breath, and steel his mind, he clutches his laptop and braves out of his room. 

 

* * *

 

 

They're all gathered in the den, in the exact same positions as four days ago. Steph is on the couch next to Cass, head on the smaller girl's lap. She's trying to help Cass get better at verbal debates, though there doesn't seem to much progress. Duke sits a little off centre of the couch, cuddled up next to Ace, with Alfred behind him. He's on his phone, furiously tapping away. Their butler remains vigilant in keeping the peace. Barbara is postitoned next to Titus, reading a case file. Her glasses are perched dangerously low on her nose, but she makes no move to slide them up. 

Her eyes are glazed over, the eyebags prominent and dark. 

Damian has his headphones plugged in, reading Jason's copy of  _The Complete Illustration of Sherlock Holmes._ Tim sits next to him in the loveseat, his phone buzzing incessantly as Kon texts him the dumbest pick-up lines in the history of pick-up lines. Bruce sits next to Duke, a newspaper in one hand and a black ballpoint in the other, trying to solve the sudoku and read about Green Lantern's little  _"visit"_ to Gotham last night. 

The headline can be seen from miles away.  **BATMAN AND GREEN LANTERN: SECRET LOVERS?!**

Tim feels a tad bit of pity for Guy, the poor man doesn't deserve this. 

All of a sudden, the door bursts open. He's startled out of his stupor by a crazed Dick, laptop flinging in one hand and the other over his mouth. His brother still looks pale as sheet. 

Dick stumbles in, connecting his laptop's YouTube to the television in the den. 

'Dick — ' Barbara's voice catches in her throat, scratchy. Dick doesn't listen, instead clicking on one video with determination. 

_**'Hello and welcome to another edition of Buzzfeed Unsolved: Postmortem. A show where we answer your most pressing questions about the most recent episode of Buzzfeed: Unsolved — which was Jason Todd.'** _

Tim feels like his tongue had turned into sand. 

 

* * *

 

 

'All the questions we're answering today came from you guys via our Buzzfeed Unsolved Facebook page  _and_ our Buzzfeed Unsolved Instagram page.' Ryan greets as Shane stares blankly at the camera. 

'He looks a little creepy, that Shane guy,' Steph comments. 

Ryan does a little hand jig as the links for their social media accounts flash briefly. Shane then sighs deeply, 'today's questions were difficult to choose! There were so many good ones!' Ryan gives the camera a flat look, 'well, a whole lot of questions weren't actually  _related_ to what we discussed in the episode, but they were still pretty thought provoking.' 

'First up!' Shane yells, 'from  _Gram Town —_ **starfire** asks — ' Ryan slams his hand against the desks, igniting a jump from several of them. Shane, unfazed, hums, 'what?'

 _'Starfire._ Like, the  _heroine?'_ Ryan gapes, Shane does a check on his phone before nodding, 'yeah, it's a verified account.' Then, a few microseconds later, 'our first question is from Starfire! Holy shit, guys?!' 

'Oh my God,  _Star,_ no.' Dick mutters, his face turning even paler. Damian's eyes widen as he calculates the repercussions. 

'Anyways, uh, fanboying aside,' Shane chuckles, 'she asks  **"I don't know whether or not I liked the episode. Jason definitely did not deserve to die. However, what I wish to know is why Ryan was so adamant that Jason was killed for ransom money."**.' Shane taps his fingers on the table's surface. 

'It's the most plausible, right?' Shane asks, Ryan's face crumples. 'Well, uh, it was discovered that there weren't any bank transfers or withdrawls of money from any of Bruce Wayne's bank accounts — which is why many people think that the ransom theory is nonsense.' Shane nods, a hand curled into his hair, 'I went to do my own bit of research — don't give me that face, Ryan — because I wasn't satisfied with the theories presented. There aren't a whole lot to begin with. Even the theorists themselves doubt their own theories, so, uh, the kidnapping theory and death by accident was probably the one that made the most sense.'

Tim tucks his chin into his knees, he's never searched for any theories related to Jason's death.  _I should check them out._

'Next question is from **Harper Row** on Facebook,' Ryan reads, ignoring Shane's exclamation of  _"Face Town?",_ **'"** **you guys didn't talk about the theory that the Joker kidnapped him and killed him. That theory was pretty popular, since the Joker was seen to be moving along with Jason. #shaniacsarebetter".** Alright, uh, first off — hello, Shaniac,' they both giggle.

The room seems to have dropped several degrees. Bruce's eyes are hard and fiery. 

Tim knows about this theory. It made zero sense from a civilian stand point, but it rubbed him the wrong way, too visciously.

'I don't think this theory makes  _any_ sense. What does a villain want with a teen?' Ryan questions, 'unless, of course, it was to get to Bruce Wayne.' Shane brightens up, 'oh! I get it, because Bruce Wayne funds Batman; right? We were joking about that the other time.' Ryan nods, 'so maybe, Joker kidnaps Jason — kills him — to send a message to Bats.'

 _'Don't mess with Batman, or I'll kill your kid!'_ Shane rasps, a horrible impersonation of Joker. Regardless, Tim shivers. They got pretty close to the real deal. 

Shallow breathing from Cass is heard. If even  _Cass_ is wrangled by this, Tim knows that Damian must be in a worse state. 

He was right. The boy was hugging Titus fiercely, green eyes bright. His brows are furrowed in anger, nose scrunched up cutely — 

Tim pales. Did he just call Damian. . .  _cute?_ He groans aloud, waving away any questions. 'I just had a, a weird thought.'

The hosts laugh awkwardly at the joke, clearly uncomfortable. Shane clears his throat, 'uh, this one's from  **arsenal,** the  _verified_ account. We've got another superhero on our tail!' 

Dick groans louder,  _'Roy, please,'_ Tim wants to laugh at him; but the next few words that comes out of Shane's mouth has him stunned. 

 **'No offense to Jay, but uh — holy sHIT HE WAS A CUTE KID??? I can't believe he didn't tell me how cute he was as a kid. I'm offended. #imtellingbatman'** — I'm not sure what this means? Ryan?' Ryan stares at the camera with the world's most blank look. Conspiratorially, he whispers, 'maybe Jason Todd  _isn't_ dead. Maybe he's just been hiding out with Arsenal; holy  _shit,_ Shane.' 

Bruce's teeth grind. Tim and Damian wince simultaneously,  _rest in pieces, Roy._ 'Are they playing a game?' Duke asks, head tilted, 'it's like they're playing a game with us.  _Specifically_ us.' Dick opens his mouth, but a glare from Bruce and Barbara has him unpausing the video and keeping quiet. 

Ryan laughs loudly, shaking his head, 'I already know you guys are gonna  _love_ this:  **Cassandra Cain** on Facebook; yes,  _the_ Cassandra Cain-Wayne posted a picture. Just posted a selfie of her with a guy that  _looks_ around 6 foot 2, black hair and white streak in the front, he's also hella buff. The pic itself is blurry, so it's pretty much impossible to see who it could be. The only thing she wrote was  **"little brother".'** Ryan and Shane stare at the picture, baffled. They do some weird gimmick and try to zoom in to the grainy picture, but nobody cared about what was happening on screen. 

All eyes swung to Cass, who beamed with pride. Bruce's eye twtiched, 'Cass, what did you do?' Her smile only grew, 'said that he would come back for dinner if I posted it.' Steph shrieked, peals of laughter erupting from her lips. Tim saw Damian hiding a snicker in Titus' fur.

'Wait, none of the Wayne boys look like that!' Shane shouts, jaw slack. Ryan sputters in place, 'the next question is from  **kyle.ray** on Instagram:  **the episode was aired on his death day. Oh my God, guys."'**

There's a few seconds of black out, before the men reappear. 'Alright — all the stuff we wanted to say is done. We have several more queued up, but, uh — one of the new interns just showed us something more interesting.' Ryan fumbles with the phone. 

Shane places both hands on the shorter man's shoulders, 'hey, hey, relax,' Ryan takes a deep breath.  **'jaytodd** says: " **what's up buzzfeed? i lived, bitches. #ghoulboy".** If you go to his profile, it displays various photos of himself with various Wayne family members. The latest one was dated two days ago, it's the same picture Cassandra Cain sent.' 

Instantaneously, the den goes up in flames. Cass, Steph and Damian are laughing their guts out, Duke is torn between laughing and shaking his head, Alfred smiles and does a funny face (the face he reserved for Jason whenever the man did anything stupid, but funny), Dick is a sobbing mess; his head in Ace's fur. Ace and Titus are barking at each other, Barbara slackens in her wheelchair and her eyes are bright and happy, full of mirth, and Tim feels like he's entered the Astral Plane. 

Bruce has the most  _constipated_ look on his face — his eyebrows are drawn together, eyes full of rage and exhaustion, lips thin and white. His face is pale and sweaty. 

 _'I can't believe Jason Peter Todd played us all like that.'_ Duke breaks, at last, joining his siblings in laughing. 

 

* * *

 

 

Jason strolls into the Manor's dining room on a Friday evening, at 5pm sharp. The others are all there, in their proper seats. Alfred stands next to Bruce, face radiant. He takes his seat beside Bruce, right across Dick, next to Tim, not saying a word. 

Cass nods at him, and he grins back. 

Bruce clears his throat, causing Jason to look innocently at him. 'Yeah, boss?' He tilts his head for good measure, seeing Barbara's posture crumble a little.

Bruce sighs. 'Welcome back, Jason.'

Jason gives his biggest shit-eating grin, eyes bright with mischief. 

**Author's Note:**

> Y'all thought this was gonna be some sad stuff? I've disappointed you guys sorely. 
> 
> tbh i forgot what i wanted to write so have this.


End file.
